and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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