Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
