Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
