Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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