So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
