wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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