Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
