As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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