i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
