I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
