My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
