PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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