this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
