I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize