dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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