this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
