We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was confusing and full of hummus
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
