What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
