No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
