please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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