so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
