and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
