Betty ford says i'm here all night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
