Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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