I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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