I am full of burrito and curiosity
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
