Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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