Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How's work?
Spinning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
false alarm, still single
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
