She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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