Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
