wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
