Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So apparently I’m into choking now
You left your phone here
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