this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
