You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
