oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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