My underwear smells like fireworks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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