fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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