idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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