i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
