Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
