morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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