woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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