i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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