I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
