his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
