Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
