So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
