can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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