please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
