Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
