Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
