Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
