If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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