I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
