He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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