Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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