I seem to have left my pride at pride
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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