Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
