I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
