When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
