I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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