Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
