my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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