i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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