he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
